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Self-love is a very sensitive matter. For some reason, women are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem. We always look for flaws in ourselves, even if a microscope is needed. Some women think that self-love is about selfishness, and one should think about others in the first place: children, loved ones, and only then about yourself. However, such tactics will not lead to anything good. Today we will find out why self-love is so crucial for a woman and how your self-esteem can affect your sex life. But before we start with a delicate topic, let’s make things as clear as a bell.

Self-Love: Why Is It Important?

  • A woman who loves and values herself can adequately assess her personality and accept it with its advantages and disadvantages. This does not mean that defects must be tolerated — they must be extirpated, but for this purpose, they must first be found. It is impossible without the full acceptance of yourself and your unique personality. Self-acceptance helps not compare yourself with others and imitate someone, but allows outgrowing yourself and moving forward. 
  • When a woman loves and appreciates herself, she feels self-respect and becomes calm and confident. Be sure that other people immediately notice it: by indirect signs, manner of speech, gait, and posture, the ability to hold themselves, and many other little things.
  • Emotions are fragile and delicate things that can change a lot. For example, it is easy to manipulate an emotionally unstable person. Manipulators and “predators” in human society smell emotionally unstable personalities and are ready to make them their victims. A girl who respects and loves herself does not need someone else’s approval, which means that most of the manipulations of public opinion or censure will bypass her.
  • Self-love allows our character to become more open, kind, and honest. These same qualities will enable us to achieve family happiness and mutual understanding with relatives. And women’s self-respect is best felt by their children. They immediately copy the mother’s behavior and grow up healthy and confident.
  • Acceptance of your personality and its features allows you to rest and work effectively, find interesting things, and generally live happier and be more productive.

Reasons for low self-esteem

There are plenty of factors that can destroy adequate self-esteem. However, everything begins in childhood. When we are little, we are not yet able to evaluate things on our own. That’s why we rely on parents’ reactions and assessments of our words and actions. Without paying enough attention and love to their children, parents bring up underestimated self-esteem in them. If they are continually criticizing their child and are super demanding, it will undoubtedly affect future life. Constant criticism from significant personalities in childhood leads to extremely low self-esteem. A child perceives such an attitude as the norm and, growing up, no longer requires a better attitude to himself or herself. 

As we grow, new people appear in our lives — friends, teachers, first boyfriend, colleagues, etc. Very often, we accept their subjective judgments as objective reality. Remember that always, no matter what you do and how hard you try, there will be someone who will criticize you. But this is nothing more than their personal opinion. 

Unfortunately, very often, women face low self-esteem when caught in the net of an abuser. And this is not necessarily your partner. Anyone from your environment can harm your confidence without even knowing it. As a rule, the abusers themselves have low self-esteem, which they unconsciously try to improve by humiliating others. 

A person’s self-esteem is also clearly correlated with the quality of the relationship. People with high self-esteem tend to create high-quality romantic relationships and are unlikely to prefer a relationship that doesn’t look like a happy future.

“YOU DON’T FIND YOUR WORTH IN A MAN. YOU FIND YOUR WORTH WITHIN YOURSELF AND THEN FIND A MAN WHO’S WORTHY OF YOU. REMEMBER THAT.”

– Anna Taylor

12 Red Flags of a Low Self-Esteem

Not all people realize that they have low self-esteem. To check if you have such a problem, I recommend focusing on the following signs of low self-esteem:

  • You constantly compare yourself to someone else and realize that you are worse. Because of this, you feel jealousy, depression, sadness.
  • You often feel sorry for yourself and complain to others. You cannot stop the flow of memories of the wasted opportunities, the mistakes of the past. You long for the good that used to be, but, alas, it was irretrievably gone.
  • Your loved ones do not respect you. People with low self-esteem are used to acting as victims, so subconsciously enter into a relationship with abusers.
  • You can’t find a partner, build a relationship, get married; you often feel unnecessary and misunderstood in the relationship.
  • You think that there is nothing in you that others can fall in love with. And because of this, you are afraid to get acquainted with potential partners.
  • You are always worried that others will think that there is something wrong with you.
  • You frequently can’t decide; you doubt the accuracy of a decision already made, or there is a “paralysis of decisions” (that is, you decide nothing at all).
  • It is complicated for you to refuse other people.
  • You often feel guilty, worried, hurt. Perhaps you have problems sleeping, and in the morning, you feel not rested at all.
  • You often feel that you have been unfairly offended, humiliated, and insulted.
  • You spend time on things that you don’t like. If you are doing something just for someone’s praise, it is time to reconsider your behavior. It is not a good idea to fulfill your burdensome obligations to get approval from the outside.
  • You are stuck in an abusive relationship.

Sexual Life vs. Low Self-Esteem

Sex and self-esteem are two interconnected vessels. If you have low self-esteem, you feel less desire to have sex. If you are not having satisfying sex, your self-esteem will drop. Accordingly, to increase your sexuality, attractiveness, and passion, you should increase your self-esteem.

An intimate relationship with the man you love should bring only joy. But this is not always the case. Many women can not get pleasure from sex, even if there are feelings, passion, and sexual desire. And all because, instead of relaxation and love, they are busy considering the flaws of their own bodies, thoughts about their belly, butt, and breasts. And in their heads, they immediately hear this voice advising them how to lie down or bend so that they can’t see your imperfections, and even better, turn off the light. But the climax is to start doubting whether you deserve this love and whether you really are loved.

It’s all the fault of low self-esteem, or, as they call it, the inferiority complex. Negative attitudes slow down sexual desire, prevent relaxation, or even make a lady look for a way to avoid sexual relations. 

When having sex with her partner, a woman should throw away all the garbage that distracts her from what is happening and completely relax. That’s why it’s essential to develop healthy self-esteem and self-love. In other cases, both orgasms will be different (if they occur), and self-esteem will fall even lower. 

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How to Raise Your Self-Esteem?

  • Talk to yourself with respect. Never tell yourself what a loser, stupid, useless, etc. you are. You should encourage yourself, not blame yourself. Remember that self-torture does not lead to anything good.
  • Walk with your head held high and spread your shoulders. Yes, you should walk as if you were a queen. And then you will feel like a queen. This is a simple exercise from psychophysiology, but it always helps. 
  • Find time for yourself. In pursuit of ghostly achievements and “norms” imposed by others, we often forget what is essential for us. Ask yourself a question: what do you want for your happiness and well-being? Do not be confused with what society dictates to you. Leave time for yourself, take care of yourself, and you will see your self-esteem rise.
  • Praise yourself more often. Women tend to thank fate for their success, but at the slightest failure, they begin to scold themselves. 
  • Ignore unjustified criticism. Do not let someone influence the perception of yourself as a person. However, it is also useless to answer with rudeness. Ignoring is a reasonable option that does not require much energy.
  • Spend less time on social networks. Social networks only distract and knock down a person; they overthink others’ lives, compare them with their own, and begin to strive to achieve unnecessary goals while developing a complex due to failures. It is better to focus on achieving your goals.
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A woman should respect and value herself regardless of what she has achieved and how far she is from her ideals. There is no need to deny the shortcomings — it is important to accept them, fight against them, encourage yourself for any success. And also to love yourself, regardless of the circumstances and opinions of others.

The pieces of advice are quite simple; they do not require much effort. The only thing to do is to try to implement them. At first, no one is insured from failures, but they should not stop you. Sometimes, it is a whole process of soulsearching when you have to say farewell to the toxic people from your environment who have prevented you from loving yourself. Do not be afraid to start this journey of self-love. In the end, you will be amazed by the results (and I am talking not only about orgasms).