Sex is a delicate and spicy subject. You can read all the literature on sex education, watch thousands of adult movies, be a habitue in sex shops, and the Kama Sutra has long been your handbook, but still make mistakes that can cost you excellent relationships and quality sex. In an ideal world, partners sit down over a cup of coffee and unashamedly discuss sex and think about how to improve it. In reality, we hide our resentments, carry everything inside, and then we dump all this mountain of indignation on our partner the moment we reach boiling point, and that’s as close to a global quarrel as we can get. Today let’s analyze what mistakes men and women make most often in sex and what they should work on.
The Biggest Sex Mistakes
If you survey all the sexually active people on the planet, everyone has a unique attraction to their partners. However, some sex mistakes seem to be imprinted in our DNA. Shall we take a look?
Comparing With an Ex
It’s a taboo of all taboos! Sex is not a pattern that everyone has to fit into. Try to get rid of such a habit so as not to spoil your and your partner’s intimate life. First of all, no mention of your former relationship. Second, everyone is different — they get turned on and enjoy different things. If your ex-boyfriend enjoyed you biting him during the foreplay, that doesn’t mean your new partner will enjoy the same. Try to explore sexual preferences carefully with each new sexual partner.
Not Sharing Your Desires and Feelings
There is no problem in the bedroom that cannot be solved by frank communication with your partner. The main secret of sexologists all over the world is openness in expressing your preferences and desires. Talk about what excites you, what positions and scenarios you would like to introduce into your sex arsenal, and ask for feedback. This is how you can build a strong, harmonious relationship and enjoy each other to the fullest. Otherwise, having sex and not saying what you like is the same as going to the doctor and keeping quiet while he guesses what your pain is.
Turn the Lights Off!
If you thought that only women suffered from feeling self-conscious in bed, you were very wrong. Men, too, have their own body issues. Embarrassment is a path to sexual oblivion. Both partners need to understand that if it comes to sex and you cause each other’s raging desire, no crease on your belly, hairy back, or pimple on your shoulder can stop you. How often do you look for flaws in your partner during sex? I usually don’t have time for that.
Oh, Those Adult Movies
All people who are inspired by sophisticated sex movies should read about the filming process of these masterpieces. It’s a great job of the director, the makeup artists, the cameramen, and the actors (surprise!). You should not do backflips during sex in order to please your partner.
It’s Your Turn Today
Men like women who take control of sex. Women like men who take the initiative. So what to do about it? Try not to be passive amoebas in bed, and you will be happy. Of course, it all depends on your mood, but laying in bed and waiting for sex and doing nothing will not bring any satisfaction to neither of you.
You may be afraid of crashing or ruining the moment by pulling out a condom, but in reality, forgetting to protect yourself not only puts yourself (and your partner, yes!) at risk of getting an STD, not to mention children, but also shows your disrespect in doing so. It’s up to both of you to protect yourself. And that’s why it’s better if you both have condoms in your pockets than if you don’t have any at all.
It’s Not All About Down Below
Let’s remember once and for all that the clitoris and the penis are not the only sexual locations on human bodies. There is an incredible number of spots that can give us pleasure. Going straight to the main stuff doesn’t always guarantee success.
You Don’t Want Me Anymore?
It’s selfish and stupid to be angry that your partner doesn’t want to have sex right now. The quality of sex largely depends on our psychological state and mood. And it’s perfectly normal not to want sex if you’re tired, you’ve had your nerves ruined at work, or some asshole smashed into your car.
If you eat cereal for breakfast every day, you will get tired of it sooner or later. Change the time, place, and positions of sex and take note of hot tricks – sex costumes and underwear, intimate cosmetics (lubes, gels, oils), and maybe even sex toys.
Fear of Sharing Your Fantasies
Partners are often embarrassed and afraid to share their passions. There is no shame in telling your lover about your secret sexual desires. However, it is worth remembering that desires may differ, but you can always find some compromises.
Sex Tips for Men
Based on the most common sex mistakes that men make, I have prepared short and clear tips for them:
- a woman needs more than two minutes for foreplay;
- try not to pass out right after sex — at least give her a hug and a kiss;
- you can spit on food, and there is a lubricant for sex;
- turn off the phone!
- not everyone likes cunnilingus;
- remember that she’s not an acrobat or a yogi (unless you happen to be lucky);
- listen and ask, but also talk about your own preferences;
- think beyond yourself — a woman needs more time to reach orgasm.
How to Properly Have Sex?
There is nothing right or wrong about sex, as long as it is mutually consensual. If you and your partner feel good, if you have sex responsibly and in a healthy way, that’s what’s normal. Of course, sex is an essential part of our lives. It enhances health, improves sleep, and lifts our spirits. But if you take intimacy too seriously — say, as a healthy wellness procedure, where everything has to be perfect and sterile — you completely lose spontaneity. Talk about what you care about, turn off your phones (or at least ignore them), look into each other’s eyes, avoid pain and discomfort, but the main thing is not to dwell on the result but to enjoy the process.